I was in a horrible mood today. Something I had counted on – a revenue generating event – was “taken away from me”. That loss of income, while not that significant in size, was a real blow to the ego and the pocketbook. It filled me with indignant rage – way over the top for the size of the situation. And it colored my view of the world. Now I was surrounded by stupid drivers, incompetent clerks, and really just infuriating people.
I was also tired, which didn’t help.
After some self-medication of coffee and chocolate, and a meditation session/nap, I was able to ground myself a bit and realized that the issue really was the fear of the loss and what that would mean. It brought up worthiness issues, abandonment issues, and financial insecurity issues. I reflected on how badly I felt with just this one little change and how I could start to see how people who lost their entire source of income might feel. It truly clouds your judgement. And if you don’t have the skills to deal with this – or large amounts of chocolate and coffee – I can see how you look for a scapegoat.
I have a renewed sense of compassion for those who have lost jobs or status due to no fault of their own. I realize that adding to that negative energy is NEVER the solution, and that my job is to do my part to put positive energy back into the world. And maybe some chocolate too.